Blessings of a Fractioned Day

     I love walking. My preference is to briskly walk on a sidewalk, up and down, around and back through the neighborhood. But, these days my walks are on my treadmill and that's okay.
   
     When solitary walks are by choice, it is exhilarating, delicious. Enjoying the cool of the evening, quietness, sweetness of life. Pondering, rejoicing. Wondering. Singing. Remembering. Laughing.

Then, there are times the walk is lonely. The road is hidden. Dark. Tedious. Solitary.

     I'm learning to let that be okay, also. Even though some well-meaning and loving friends tell me, "Ask for help." "Take care of yourself." "You can't do it all."

     Well. What happens at 10 p.m. and the mover/shaker/care-giver gets a splinter in the right thumb?? Who do you call?

     The funny thing is that there is no one in my household who could get it out at high noon. And, believe me, it is laughable to look up and see yourself in the mirror trying to take out a sticker!!!

Some of my days, recently, had been dark and solitary and difficult.

     I really did pray long and hard about my last post. Perhaps it was more for myself than for most of my readers. While some of it might be for those who walk similar care-giver journeys, it was basically a somber read.

Then.

The day dawns when you realize, "Wow. It IS all up to me!!!"
The day blasts when you know that there is no one else.

Man! I'm IT, baby !!!

        That understanding can either set you free ---- or slap you into your own mental prison. I do not like the thought of a prison.

     Do you remember a TV commercial from oh so many years ago when the young mom, exhausted and obviously fighting a terrible headache slams the kitchen cupboard, grits her teeth, and hisses, "Please Mother, I can do it myself!!" Some instant pain headache reliever, as I recall. I'm sad to admit that sometimes I treat my Holy Father that way.

     Last night, sleep would not come. The day had been pretty good and fruitful but long and I fell into bed with many things left undone. Finally, I snapped on the light (thankfully, my wonderful Dear Heart goes to sleep instantly and can sleep through anything), pulled out the book I chose to read during Lent.



The Praying Life Seeking God in All Things, by Deborah Smith Douglas.
Yep, I chose a heavy duty lesson to study. But, it had been good and over the weekend it was my great privilege to attend a day seminar to hear the author in person.








So, last night, after enough wiggling and squirming I got still and quiet and opened the book to where I had left off last Friday. Page 47. I picked up in the middle of a chapter. And God sat down beside me.

Ms Douglas writes of her own experience as a harried and sometimes too-busy-to-pray young mother. "The fractioning of my days is not likely to end any time soon. But perhaps--by a miracle of grace, by the grace of God--I can come to see myself not as meaninglessly disintegrated but as broken and given like bread, poured out like wine......"

I read it over and over. I cried. I found my trusty yellow highlighter and rubbed the words. I cried.

Providing care to my grown disabled daughter and to my beloved husband is, in some aspects, like those long ago days as a harried and too-busy-to-pray young mother. Except now I am old. With health issues of my own. But, last night I felt not alone and I slept.

Today, I worshiped as I tiptoed into another day of Lent, remembering what Jesus did for me. He does know all about my journey.

And I know that God's word is true. Because He said so. (Colossians 1:17) 
And, by the way, He is alive. Now.

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

He will even hold together the solitary life of this aging care-giver!!

Praise be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

Love,
        Liz

Busy Lent

And God said……

³¹ Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Mark 6:31  (NIV)

Our house is relatively quiet these days. But we are B. U. S. Y.

We come and go    Get it done

Busy

Doing

Shuffling

B.  U.  S.  Y.

Oh. I said that.

Busy. Even though it is Lent. And winter hangs on.

  Easter has not dawned

We did attend Ash Wednesday services     Well, it was an evening service

 I could handle that. (Thank You, Father) Then . . . .

          Another day. Another grocery store run

          and Dishes into the dishwasher (thankful I don’t have to scrub each by hand)

          and Dirty clothes into the washing machine

Pick up prescriptions, drop off a bad hearing aid at the Fixer Place

Bring in wood

Make a fire

        

  Light candles after dinner    Just because

Get some rest, child

          Another daylight

    Beds made

     Gas in the car

    Load the walker into the car

          Run the car through the car wash

(thankful it doesn’t have to wait for me to do it myself)

Get some rest, child

          Everyone in bed, lights low, house softly creaks

Balance the checkbook            Call in prescriptions

 (thankful for telephone recording systems)

    and another load into the over-worked but faithful washing machine

             fill Dishwasher, again      it      quietly does its job

                    Night-lights turned on          Oops….rinse the sprouts
(just because I love green things on my counter and in our salads)

Okay, Father, now I am here.

          Silence

                    Finally       I sleep

Sunrise, mark days off the calendar     and buy ice cream-- just because

Sunset

 The house gets dark and it rests again. . . then it wakes and runs    then it rests

Father. Hi.

          Silence

                    Everywhere

                    No thunder    No lightening    No doors slam   

          If a tree falls in the forest, I don’t hear

Another day dawns       B. U. S. Y.

Then . . .

Father, I am here.

         

Daylight            Dirty clothes   Feed the dog,    the cat      the people

Smile, cook, share news, acknowledge birthdays, send e-mails                                

Encourage hurting others, bake molasses cookies, go to another funeral,

unload the walker      walk slowly and hold doors      smile

Re-load the walker       drive     talk about the life lived well

Check on all the far-off children/grands/greats

Truth be told, I expected a quiet revelation at the most

                    A loving whisper at the least

          Just silence         and      The quiet screams all around me

Father. It’s me        Again

          Silence

I sit           Ask for nothing             He does not reply

I go back     Again     

                                       And again

Cold      Silence

               And still     I     Return     

                                                 Again

When did I finally KNOW       . . . . . .   that He sat beside me

           When did the quietness wrap around me      Like a warm blanket

I ponder His sweet, amazing love      and       my     on-going human frailty

His love is greater than all my need

Now I can breathe

                     And carry on     All the things that are mine to do      Alone

     But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Farewell Old / Young 76 * * * * *

ENTER SEVENTY-SEVEN.

Wait. Hold it.

My 76 is not finished.

Ahhhhh. What a beautiful day.

I've enjoyed a number of sweet events during the last days of my seventy-sixth year as a real God-created human living on this earth. The first six months of my 76^th year, I was still reeling from a life-changing illness that began during the last two months of that strange silver jubilee.

Well, into the life of everyone some rain falls, and all that.  So be it.

BUT. . . .

These days, I make myself STOP to relish, cherish, memorize, and enjoy moments. And to give thanks. The past few days have been full of those times. 

For the LAST time while I am SEVENTY-SIX, things I will never ever repeat while I am still 76:

• Monday:

     I attended a writers’ meeting. !!! Those faithful writing ladies at Hill Country Women of Words always save a chair for me (and reading time) just in case I show up. I read an excerpt to them from a project I’m desperately working on to finish before my 77^th year is done !!!! (worthy goal, don’t you think !!!) They, of course, gave me great reviews and cheers to carry on to completion.

• Tuesday:

     Dear Heart & I had missed Valentine's Day this year, on purpose, so he took me to lunch a few days late to celebrate our Valentine memories…believe me, we have special ones: He proposed--with roses in hand--on Valentine's Day 2002, we walked on the beach in Sarasota, FL, and landed back on earth a few years later. We cherish remembering special days AND continue (YES, even old folks can create new special memories) to make new memories to celebrate.

               My Christmas Cactus is blooming like crazy. Gorgeous, beautiful, crimson blooms to knock your socks off. 

• Wednesday:

    **Dear Heart, Daughter, and I all went to Darren's Hair Cut place for fresh haircuts. Together. At the same time.

    ** Then, all three of us got pedicures & manicures. Well, I got the additional french tips, but I'm the birthday girl, don't you see.

    ** Son called me from Louisville.

Ahhhhh. One of the good things in life. A grown son who calls his mom. A year ago when I was desperately ill for some 40 days, he called everyday for some four weeks when life was touch and go. Didn't miss a day. With all his responsibilities. Yes, I am blessed. Last Wednesday we chatted and shared while he walked Duke, the family faithful dog. Yes. Good things.

• Thursday:

     **I am ashamed to admit that I actually forgot a lunch date with a precious friend. Can you imagine???? Well, give me a little credit (and, she gave me LOTS of forgiveness) several bad nights / busy days in a row. Being such a dear and long-time friend, she knew something had gone wrong when I didn't show up at our appointed time. She called, I cringed, she forgave and even brought hamburgers to my house--even an extra one for Dear Heart.

• Friday:

     Sweet daughter-in-law gave me a to-die-for massage.

• Saturday:

I left my two precious care-receivers at home for 4 hours while I attended a workshop at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church. With her words, Mary Earle filled my heart, soul, and days with encouragement, enlightenment, and hope. I've ordered a few REAL books to further encourage me through this year's Lenten Journey. You know: books with paper pages on which I can mark, highlight, and dog-ear. (apologies, Grandson J.)

     ** Mary Earle's: Julian of Norwich: Selections from Revelations of Divine Love-Annotates & Explained.

     ** Greg Pennoyer: God for Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Lent and Easter

     **Kathleen Norris: The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy and "Women's Work"

These selections should fill my 77 Lenten Journey. !!!

And now it is Monday. I'm still 76 years old. This week alone:

    ©     Dear Heart and I took time today to run errands. While we were out and about, I filled the car with gas and gave thanks we can afford to keep it running; we went through the car-wish and gave thanks I don’t have to hose it myself; I vacuumed all the dirt and gravel out of the inside and gave thanks for the heavy-duty vacuum that is easy for this OLD woman to handle; and back safe in our garage, I wiped all our windows with my magical e-cloths.

    ©     I made a CD, all by myself, that will play a video I made, all by myself, on my camera. wooo-hooooo

    ©     Saved $10.00 per month on my phone bill

    ©     Further organized my office to efficiently handle the latest responsibilities passed off from Dear Heart. He calls me his Best Secretary.

    ©     Served a delicious soup and cornbread supper on the lovely new dishes Daughter K. gave me for Christmas.

 

None of my little, daily, end of a year, things are earth-shattering or even life-changing. I just know that life goes on and that it feels good to stop to remember and to give thanks.

So, when you wake up in the morning, you will find this, the last words I penned while I was yet SEVENTY-SEVEN. I was born in 1937. On the 25 (2+5=…. Yes 7). Somehow, I am eager to experience what a whole years of SEVENS will produce.

Therefore, dear friends, I am convinced that it is a good thing to stop, think, remember, make note, and high-light special moments, days, events. Life speeds by faster than most of us can even think. Life is good. Rich. Sweet. God planned it like that way back in the Garden days. I believe it is important, regardless of our birthday numbers, to continue to take stock, remember, celebrate, and yes: CHERISH the gifts God provides day after day, year in and year out. In sickness and in health.

                    Until He calls us Home.

Pending that  day – REJOICE. I say again, REJOICE.

Of one thing I am certain:

          My Holy Father’s love and presence and forgiveness is faithful. Always.

Isaiah 46:4

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am HE,

I am HE who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Blessings and Hugs,

                    Liz

Another Kind of Valentine

How was your Valentine Day? Blessed and sweet and loving, I hope.
This is not a "throwback" day, but... it is interesting how life ebbs and flows.

Picture it..... February 14, 2001. Fredericksburg, Texas. Two seniors, an older widower and an old widow. JUST ENJOYING EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.
THAT WAS ALL.   !!!!!

Notice, I was already washing dishes......

Time Passes. He gets too serious. I stop seeing him because this old woman AIN'T GONNA MARRY AGAIN. Then, his 104-year-old mother dies in October and I visit the family.

Somehow, it is February 14, 2002.

I went to Sara Sota Florida to meet his late wife's family.... have no idea now what I could have been thinking......

Of course, when that older guy got on his knees with roses and a lovely antique engagement ring in hand and words that stopped time and my heart.... of course I said, "Oh my."

If you know anything at all about either of us, you'll understand that neither of us could sneak off and wed quietly. Besides, each of us had individual and mutual friends, siblings and spouses, many loving and precious children/spouses, grands/spouses, and he had greats so there was only one way to do it.
Big, Rambunctious, and Fun.

 

So. Picture it, September 28, 2002.

             

Two busy lives became one huge event and one simple thing led to another celebration. Soon, there was a large blended family that gathered routinely for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations, Christmases, Easters, Spring Breaks, and just-becauses. Our families also assembled during those times when either of us endured one or another of our bleak and difficult medical emergencies.

I suppose we have weathered the years fairly well, considering our myriad of health issues, our ages, and the trials and tribs we've survived. 

Of course we needed name tags !!!!!!

So, today, on this our thirteenth Valentine Day together, guess what. Yeah.......

        He was up early to let our faithful and spoiled dog, Ava, out. They breakfasted together. Daughter wandered in from her room for breakfast later. Son dropped in from down the road just to say "hey."             Finally, after a much needed long and very restful night's sleep, I got up very LATE. *yawn*

Then. B*O*R*I*N*G  ......

 After coffee and a visit with Dear Heart, I put away our new crop of sprouts, freshly ready for the fridge, cleaned up the kitchen, started more laundry, folded sheets and towels already dry. Dear Heart listened to news on the radio, rode down to the mail box on his trusty 4-wheel scooter, made lunch for himself, and settled at the TV for an afternoon of golf. I cleaned up the guest room after a 3-day guest departed yesterday, cleaned off my desk, ran more laundry, and FINALLY got all our financial STUFF organized and cleaned up. *drum roll PLEASE*

      The three of us enjoyed big salads and home-baked (no, not home MADE lol )pizza for supper then I texted with my daughter-in-love, Julie before clearing up the kitchen, again.

I don't know about you and your celebrations, but Dear Heart and I are just thrilled we have each other. One day next week, when our tourist town is not so crowded, and our schedules permit, he will take me to lunch at our favorite Herb Farm. He will pray and we will chat, reminiscence, talk about our spring plans, wonder about the kids, and remember a dozen other Valentine Days we have shared. 

We will hope for a dozen more.

I think a good Love scripture to leave with you tonight is one that keeps Gus and me going on even the hard days...... From Psalm 79:13 . . .
                         "Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture,
                           will praise you forever; from generation to generation
                                          we will proclaim your praise."

Hope your Valentine was blessed, also.

        Liz

14 new Things

Ahhhh, dear readers, be glad I did not say 77 New Things for My 77th Year.
Hummmmm, but that might be next.
For now.....
1.  I'm writing my first post from my iPad. Had it for  8 months; just now courage to finger type.
2.  Tonight, I made a mason-jar piggy bank for First Daughter. Had to re-work it so that quarters would fit, but got it done.
3.  For this new year, I am swearing off watching "Friends" to go back to Frazier. I need a breather from Monica. Watching the younger version of myself is finally too much. Of course, Monica DOES know the easiest, fastest, best way to do just about everything.  Hey, I said MONICA, not LIZ.
4.  Began today giving thanks for the brand new What-a-Burger coming to Fritztown. Instead of just complaining that is is in my front yard instead of my neighbor's.
5.  When I heard the weather report on the 6 pm news, I made a last-minute run to WalMart. Usually, I just do without.
6.   Decided to forego instant gratification of NOT rushing out in exchange for the luxury to stay at home during the next 3 days of predicted bone chilling weather.
7.   I felt a sudden and deep sense of sadness as I drove our familiar neighborhood and found so many houses dark. Christmas virtually disappeared in one day. The day before Epiphany. Sad.
8.   Decided firmly, on that grocery run, to leave our Christmas lights glowing and our Nativity lit at least another week.

9.   I will even vote to keep our single strand of multi-color Christmas lights shining below the white year-round ones on our gate for, oh, another month!
10.  I WILL write and address and mail our Christmas thank you notes before February 1. 2014. :-)
11.  Next week I will buy ALL the birthday & anniversary cards and file them according to date due for all our kids, grands, and greats for 2014.
12.  Better make a separate entry to actually MAIL, in time for timely delivery, all the cards in #11.
13.  Even I won't make promises to adhere to a reasonable bedtime.
14. I will, however, work hard not to react badly, but smile sweetly, when judged by those who have not studied nor lived with Restless Leg Syndrome.

And, since I promised ONLY 14, I'll just end with the promise  I claim at the beginning of most of my mornings. If it speaks to you, too, it is found at Isaiah 40:29-31.

Do you not know, Liz?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding not even you, Liz, can fathom.
.... He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
 but especially old women like you, Liz, who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
You will soar on wings like eagles;
You will run and not grow weary,
You, Liz, will walk and not be faint.

He keeps his promises, sweet friends.
In Christ,
Liz