Friday, September 21, 2012

Tears in the Night

Restless Legs is a real and evil THING that jars you out of a sweet, deep sleep at 3:00 a.m.

 The legs wiggle, stretch, squirm, kick. The body turns, flops, stretches, writhes.

The mind struggles itself into the edges of wakefulness. Finally, wide awake, you remember there is nothing to calm the legs except to walk and WALK and WALK. Throwing back the warm blanket, you get to your feet.

Owwwww ohhhhhhh !!!!  The knee! The good knee!! Red hot pain streaks through your old, feeble body and as you fall backwards on the bed, hot tears and deep sobs fill the quiet night.

 * * * *
At least Dear Heart does not wear his hearing aids at night.

          I hobble through the house until the “good-knee-gone-bad” yells, “Either you stop walking on me or I’m buckling!”

The restless legs twitch has eased and I manage to get propped in my recliner with ice bags around the good-knee-gone-bad. “Now what?” I ask the walls.

Your Bible is within arm’s reach.

Oh. Of course.

I turn to Psalm 143 and begin reading. About three weeks ago, I “discovered” this prayer of David’s and immediately claimed it as my own prayer against my own demon, Restless Legs Syndrome. True to professional research findings, this torturing condition has intensified and increased for me as I have grown older.

 RLS is a vicious wicked circle….

Stress and anxiety exacerbate attacks

resulting in fragmented sleep

bringing forth stress and anxiety and depression

causing more attacks

until jagged sleep deprivation

          starts the leg attacks over


I read the psalm out loud. Again. My tears subside. I breathe slowly. In and out. Deeply. Out and in.

 The red-hot pain in the good-knee-gone-bad has eased and I gently untangle pillows and ice packs and carefully limp back to bed. Wrapped again in my warm blanket on my own bed, I drift into a quiet sleep at 4:55 a.m.

           The alarm sounds at 7:00 a.m. and I stumble into another foggy day empty of healing sleep but clinging to a hope that this day God’s mercy will bring my soul out of hideous rls trouble.

 May God’s sweet mercy touch you in a loving way.


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Just Sayin . . . .

Did you ever have “one of those” days ????

Yesterday, I experienced a sneaky presence of the Holy Spirit.

And I’m just an ordinary, every-day, human, sinner. Who is saved by Grace.

I’m nobody important. No particular ministry. Just a person of

HUGE faults.

                    Many failures.

                              Awful sins.                                                     

In fact, I am absolutely and certifiably “CHIEF of sinners.”

          With massive needs.

But, yesterday I went forward. Into a day that started with a long phone visit with my sister-in-law, Jan and was immediately followed with a positive, loving e-mail from a friend encouraging me in many ways.

I did not want to go forward because my GOOD knee screamed for me to STOP. SIT. STAY.

Sorry, knee. I had just slept for almost SEVEN straight hours. As soon as I woke and realized WOW !!! I SLEPT, I spent the next hour telling God THANK YOU. I mean … for this Restless Legs Junkie, seven hours is a HUGE gift; I was grateful and determined to handle the day responsibly.

After the first four errands, I dropped into the rocking chair on my back porch to visit, via cell phones, with a wise friend whose heart is for helping people find joy. I discovered a tiny smile that enabled me to continue with my day.

About noon, I was confronted with a hard choice: We needed groceries. Desperately. Well, energy had been granted. *sigh* okay. Go to HEB super market.

((( Parenthesis. The last few days had been… interesting but most difficult. Several friends are struggling with really big issues. And I have actually, specifically prayed for them. For mercy, grace, energy, healing, energy, grace, mercy… for my friends. Truthfully, there are SO many times I mention the needs of my friends in a fleeting manner then hurry to scream, beg, cry out to God for…… you guessed it: MYSELF.

I mean, being a wife, mother, grandmother, stepmother, friend, neighbor, aunt, sister, neighbor is downright hard and I NEED God’s instruction, leading, wisdom, strength, mercy, Grace, and help so that I can serve. Believe me, I require a LOT of God’s time. Just to hobble across the street requires MUCH help and love and mercy from our Holy Father. )))

But, for three days I literally FORGOT to pray for myself, for God’s intervention to keep me directed, for my own understanding. I simply prayed for others. I didn’t plan it—I’m not that disciplined or obedient. Yet, as each friend / family member came to mind, I lifted that person up to the everlasting love of our Triune God.

I just forgot about Liz.

Okay. Fast forward to the grocery store.

My GOOD knee screamed, Take me home; I can’t do this; it HURTS.

Ignoring the knee, I continued up one aisle and down the other. Then my basket LITERALLY (..accidently??? . . .) ran into the basket pushed by a friend I have not seen in about 3 months. Although lately, I’ve prayed for her a lot. ???

Oh my!! What a joyous visit right at the soups & canned veggie aisle. I learned specific things she deeply needs covered in prayer. AND she said meaningful and powerful things that specifically boosted me HIGH on my rocky journey. Just before she and I parted, another lady’s basket ran into ours. Oops….

The new basket belonged to a second friend who has been on my heart for reasons unknown to me. ???

Quick goodbye to Friend A. Happy hello to Friend B.

Another long visit. She and I moved our baskets around cookies so other shoppers could reach fine cheeses and we shared things of our two rocky roads that the other did not know.

Quiet, Knee !!! There is MORE shopping to do; Hush !  I’ll hurry.

Finally!! Made it to produce !!! Almost done. I have no memory of turning or looking up… just the pain in my throbbing knee. But I am absolutely certain that I felt a physical  please-pay-attention “thunk” !!!

          Friend C’s basket was a dozen steps away and she did not see me. As if in slow motion, I left my basket—and my purse—next to mushrooms and crossed the space between us in half a breath. She looked up and our embrace was instant, loving, sincere.

Over many years, we’ve shared more than a simple blog post can convey… life, death, praying, doubt, fear, death, praying, and life.

And, she has been in my mind, on my heart a lot lately.  ???

In the produce section on an ordinary September afternoon, my friend was in my arms. We spoke of our faith—grown stronger in our aging years; of our recent wedding anniversaries and our husbands’ increasing frailties; and of course of our longing to see her daughter—who was taken from us several years ago in a sudden death straight into the arms of Jesus. Finally, my wise friend shared how she has learned that, as we look back, we see for certain that God always and absolutely gets there first and prepares the way.
The knee grew quiet as I bagged my own groceries for an overworked checker. Softness cuddled my heart as I navigated crazy traffic. Amazement softened painful thoughts when, back home, I handled first one crisis and then another.

 WOW!! God really has been there all along.

 He knows. He cares. He actually understands.

God IS right there in the middle of my HERE and NOW.

These three friends of mine do not know the others. The only thing they all have in common (besides a friendship with me, thank You, Father!) is their individual love of Jesus Christ.


J is the first letter of the first name of each of my three friends.

Just sayin . . . .

                   . . . . maybe God was determined that I should listen and learn. J.

 May YOUR day also be filled with the blessings of prayer.

Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin
against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you;
And may all of us
fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully
with all our hearts and consider
how great are the things He has done for us.
Taken from 1 Samuel 12:23-24 NIV

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sometimes it is good to look OUT, too

Now I ask you.

          How many times have you read in THIS blog my loud and long and whining complaints ? ? ? ? ?

                    “We are DRY.”

                    “Please, Holy Father, send us rain.”

                    “Our land is drying up.”

                    “We MUST have God’s wet blessings.”

                    “Please, remember our dry state and be merciful, loving Father.”

 No, I will not ask you to go back and count…. But I think we will all agree I have written A LOT about the DRY, HOT weather.

 Well, GUESS WHAT   ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

 God IS merciful. God heard our pleadings.

Right here at the house on the hill, just since Thursday afternoon at four p.m. when Sweet Daughter and I got caught in a literal downpour leaving WalMart, God has wet our land, our flower beds, our lawns, our hay fields, our pastures, our trees, my own hard head, and is filling our creeks and stock tanks with


OF HIS VERY OWN, life sustaining, WET STUFF


That has fallen slowly, calmly, quietly, soakingly

We have counted the drops, listened to His music, dreamed contentedly, watched through splattered window panes.

And we give thanks. And praise Him. And say Thank You.

Over and over.

God is so very good.

The wet is so wonderful.

We are oh so very, very, grateful.

 Just want to report.

Just want you to know.

Just want to say thank You, Father

Openly and in writing for all to hear and read.

 My prayer is for YOU to see and feel and have and know

many more of His blessings in your life and on your land, also.


And you know I must share His promises with you and my heart sings and I learn as I read from the Amplified Bible……

 Hosea 10:12Deuteronomy 28:12
The Lord shall open to you His good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain of your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands

Psalm 68:9
You, O God, did send a plentiful rain; You did restore and confirm Your heritage when it languished and was weary.

And, perhaps my favorite kind of rain….

Hosea 10:12
Sow for yourselves according to righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); reap according to mercy and loving-kindness. Break up your uncultivated ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, to inquire for and of Him, and to require His favor, till He comes and teaches you righteousness and rains His righteous gift of salvation upon you.

Blessings from God's Hands on you,