I’m not ready for Christmas to be finished. I especially
love this in-between time. The hustle and bustle is done and it’s not quite
time to start the taxes. Each evening, we build a fire and turn on all the
Christmas lights—inside and out. My Nativity in the front yard glows and the
multi-colored lights twinkle in the cold night air. Peaceful. Comfortable.
Soothing.
Yes, I know it must
come to an end and I’ll begin packing up. Soon. Any day now. Promise.
But I have one more Liz Christmas
story. If you’ve read it before, hang around. It might be different.
We don’t get to public worship much these
days what with all our health challenges. We miss it dreadfully, but sometimes
things just have to be as they are. We did get to go to Christmas Eve
traditional service this year. We sat on the back row because a bunch of family
joined us, we were almost late, and it was easier with husband’s walker.
Somehow, an unusual sense of gratitude, quiet, and worship slipped over me there on the back row, and
before long I was lost in the miracle of the night.
My daughter-in-law leaned over and, with a
big grin, motioned me to look behind us. Ahhhhh, sweet memories bounced off
the pipe organ. A family sat on straight chairs behind our back row of regular
pews. A mom, a dad, and a couple of grandparents. The mom and dad each bounced
a baby on a knee. Little girls, not quite crawling stage, adorned in red velvet
twin dresses, with red bows perched on their nearly bald heads.
The babies' squirming, mild fussing,
and innocent giggles had been lost on me. While I smiled at the precious scene, my heart
looked back.
It was some forty years ago when my daughter was
twelve and my son was four. For three years, six kids sat in our family pew at
church. We were a foster family, so four of the kids changed often, but our two
birth children hung in there and remained for the long haul! Hey, I was young,
eager to nurture, and thought I could handle anything. I found that becoming a
foster parent was much like the first-time pregnancy: you are blissfully
unaware of the pain, horror, and screams that follow. Then, like a mother
eagerly getting pregnant over and over again, every time the caseworker calls
with another abused child in need of love and safety, without even a groan, a
seasoned foster mom just finds an empty bed, and sets another plate at the
table.
It was the 1970’s and foster parents
could not adopt the kids they protected and loved. But, a foster parent could
raise kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We took every opportunity
to show Jesus to “our kids.”
Every
week, all of us went to church together. Back then, only the “Crib Set”
was entitled to church nursery luxuries so kids--toddler age on up and parents sat—or wiggled—in
worship services together. When the
Sunday school put on a Christmas Pageant, our new Patricia came home from her
first practice in tears, incensed that the innkeeper would not let Jesus’
mother come in from the cold. Long talks ensued until she made her own peace
with the innkeeper. One night she said, “I’m glad you made room for me, Mama.”
While our lives were hectic and
chaotic, we strictly enforced bedtime rituals. We prayed together as a family, then each child was tucked in with special parent time and additional prayer
when needed, which was often. During Advent, our evenings included time for
devotion around the wreath with candles and scripture readings. The year
Charlie came, we celebrated his second birthday in November so when Advent
arrived, the candles never remained burning. As soon as one child lit the
Advent candles, Charlie took that as his cue to blow them out.
Over the three years, Barbara stopped
hoarding food, Bethany started talking, Leonard didn’t lie as much, and
Patricia tried not to cuss like a sailor. We helped eleven children hope for a
safe tomorrow and to trust adults—a little. We fed their souls, their minds, and
their bodies. Gradually, the screams in the night subsided and daytime laughter
erupted more often. They bonded with our children, other fosters, and with
their schoolmates, and then we helped them leave us, for better places… we
hoped.
No, I don’t know what happened to most
of them and yes, I wished laws had been different. It took many years for me to
accept that God gave me a job to do and that I did it the best I could.
So,
this Christmas Eve, the “joyful noise” of fretful toddler twins in worship
service was music to my ears. That is where children belong. Even Jesus said
so.
Tonight, as the glow of Christmas tree
lights flicker in this in-between time, I left yesterday behind with its
bittersweet memories and unanswered questions. I deliberately turn my white
hair and old heart to the present, and pray that in my assignment as caregiver I
will serve up love, protection, and safety to my two care receivers, and that I
will do it with joy and grace.
After all, old
foster moms believe they always entertain angels.
Stay on good terms with
each other,held together by love.
Be ready with a mealor a bed when it’s needed.
Why, some have extendedhospitality
to angels
without ever knowing it! Look
on victims of abuse
as if what happened to
themhad happened to you.
From
Hebrews 13:2-3
May angels swam you and your memories be happy
in this bright New Year.
Love,
Liz
Beautiful. You made me cry again. I love your heart.
ReplyDeleteSo happy you posted this
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